The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize