It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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