So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
