hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize