shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
