I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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