just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We got so high we made milksteak
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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