too bad you live with your parents still
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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