I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
