im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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