so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
