Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
