I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
