I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
