even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
