don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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