im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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