whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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