I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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