Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
