yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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