The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
