dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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