Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
did you just send me my own nude
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
