She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
