Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
