two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
