i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
