How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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