You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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