I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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