i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
