How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize