I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
