I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
