OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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