You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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