just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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