I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need moral support for this bender
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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