I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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