the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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