my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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