i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she looked like the before picture.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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