You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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