Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
