Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love you.
Bad choice
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
