Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
