Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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