with your own penis?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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