you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
