It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have aggressive nipples.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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