38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like eating out sand paper
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
