Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
