tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
