the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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