I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
