last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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