The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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