I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize