I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I smell stomach acid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
